What do you do ?

What do you do when the world that you have come to know and love is crashing down around you and it feels like there is no end in sight ? What do you do when you have the most tragic thing that could ever happen to a mother happen to you and you are stumbling along the way trying to pick up the pieces ? What do you do when you have a daughter asking you all these questions that you don't know how to ask ? What do you do when it seems like the only people that have ever been there for you are suddenly not there at all ?

I don't think that I have ever in my life felt as completely down as I have now. It feels as though my world is crashing down around me and there is nothing that I can do to stop it but I know that if I keep pushing then that is probably only going to make it worse :( It's like I am spinning into this black abyss and I can't find my way out. I know that I have a daughter that needs me and that loves me but it's like I am numb that I am just going through the motions of the daily life and not feeling anything, I love my daughter more than life and there is nothing that is going to change that .. I just don't know what is wrong with me .. it feels as though I have no emotions left .. that I am EMPTY that I am just this empty shell walking around.

This whole year has been the toughest year of my life and I feel that if I don't put an end to it now then it will continue through 2012 and I don't want that .. I want one year that I know I will be HAPPY ... I just don't know what to do anymore. It feel's as though I have run out of options and that I need to just go along with it ... I don't want to though :(

The end of July !!!

So as the title says its the end of July !! I know that I have been spacing on the blogging front but I have been really busy I have been in Texas for awhile now while my hubby went back to North Carolina cause he had to for work and I am going to be going back sometime in Aug. it sucks that he is going to miss my birthday but my last birthday I celebrated up there so I wanted to celebrate this one down here :)

On that note :
MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 8 DAYS !!!! and MY PARTY IS IN 10 DAYS !!!! I am extremely excited I am ready for this I have it all planned out and I am even making my own cake :) Its zebra and hot pink themed (yes first themed party I have had since I was like 5 or something lol).

So anyway .. now that I have spilled out all the exciting stuff that is happening in my life lol I guess I will end this.

Texas & North Carolina Sized Love,
♥Zoie's Mommy♥

I swear I just said "Hello" to June ....

& Now I am saying goodbye to it ?!?!?!

WELL WELL WELL !! I officially succeeded at posting only one time (well now two) during the MONTH of June lol !! So maybe I should do an update yes ?!?! Okay here we go ...

Well as the last post said .. My hubby and I were trying for number two .. well on June 10th I went to the doctor and found out that I was 5 weeks and 1 day preggo !!!! (this was of course after taking SEVERAL tests lol) Well I flipped out and was oober excited and I told Jer and then EVERYBODY else well it is now the 29th and tomorrow (the 30th) I will 8weeks preggo !!! I am so excited and so happy that this is working out for us ..We were so excited that with the help of my friend Ashley we picked out baby names for a girl its going to be Bailee Renee♥ and for a boy its going to be Preston Scott♥ SOOOO Now that that is all out of the way lol ...

June 30th we are heading to Texas for the 4th of July (after my appointment to hear the heartbeat and such(i seriously just squealed that is how excited I am)) I am so ready to be back in Texas !! Even if it is only for a few days I miss my family like crazy and I cant wait until I am back living in Texas and hanging out with my bestie :) but of course that wont be until April 2012 (Zoie will be almost TWO and jellybean will be 2 months !!!) anyway yes we are going to be in Texas for a short time I am trying to decide if I want to stay behind or if I want to go back to North Carolina with my hubby since my birthday is going to be less than a month away after July 4th ... Ugh decisions decisions

So what else has happened since I last posted ...
Harley graduated with HONORS !! From Oklahoma University (OU) !!!! I am a proud bestfriend for sure !!
My good friend Jarred Brewster came home from a deployment in Afghan. !!!!! WELCOME HOME BUDDY !!!!!!
I think that is pretty much it lol !! I don't think anything else that is interesting has happened lol

So I am going to go ahead and end this and see what the hubby is cooking for supper !!

Texas & North Carolina Sized Love,
Zoie's Mommy♥

Its JUNE already ?!?!

Well as the title says its already June (June 4th to be exact) and I can't believe it how we are already halfway through this year !!

Well in EXACTLY 2 months I will be turning 23 (YAY) and that actually kinda excites me lol :) everything is pretty much going as planned lol EXCITED and READY for summer I have always been the summer type of person lol :)

My hubby and I have been trying for #2 since Z is already 13months ( I swear that kids grows way to fast) and we have been wanting another one for sometime actually lol so wish us luck

Right now its 1:23am(I am in Texas atm) and I am hella tired but thought I would update the blog a little bit more, I did so good and then I quit lol .. I go through spurts I guess lol but anyway I am going to go ahead and head to bed

GOODNIGHT :)

Texas & North Carolina Sized Love,
Zoie's Mommy♥

Happy Monday♥

Hey Yall !!!!
Happy Happy monday to all !! I hope that you guys had a good weekend mine was wonderful and relaxing lol and to the moms I hope yall had a GREAT mothers day !! Today is just a wonderful day I am really excited and happy for some reason I think its because its 91degrees today lol which normally people would hate but I am from Texas I pretty much LIVE for this type of weather .. It's ALMOST pool time and lake time :D So excited !!!!

So not much up today just doing some laundry although I dont want to lol went out to lunch with the hubby and daughter and now thinking about what to make for dinner, Although i think i am going to have the hubby make dinner tonight cause I dont want to lol

So I hope yall are having a wonderful monday and I am going to run and do my laundry or else I wont even get started and I need to cause tomorrow I have a Lasik appointment :) Wish Me LUCK :)

Texas & North Carolina Sized Love,
Zoie's Mommy♥

Boring Day !

So as the title says I had a VERY VERY boring day lol, I just layed around the house and didn't do anything except play with Z, I slept most of the day because I wasn't feeling very well I am still not but I did make and EXCELLENT dinner (insert proud picture)
Its called Olive and Orange Chicken :) It was pretty amazing !!! It had cut up chicken, olives, chunks of orange I didn't think that it would turn out that great but like i said it was amazing :) I also made a fruit salad to go along with it it had strawberries pineapple and watermelon.

Other than that my day was pretty boring lol just hung out with the hubby and such .. Tomorrow is mothers day it will be my 2nd mothers day with my babygirl Z, I wonder what Jeremy has up his sleeve lol.

Anyway i am going to go ahead and go and watch the rest of Eclipse (we literally just started it) with the Hubby and the daughter who is ALMOST asleep (yay right on schedule) (10pm is her bedtime) ... So um yes i am going to run now more later :)

Texand & North Caroline Sized Love,
Zoie's Mommy♥

Updates Updates Updates !!

So I have been a pretty busy person lol so here is the past couple month is a nutshell :)

The deployment is over and he is back home and since he has been home we have been running around non-stop lol !! We went to California and spent a month there with his parents and siblings and then found out that his parents have been wanting to move to Texas so they could be closer to us when we move back to Texas here within the next yr or so :) after California we then went back to North Carolina and stayed there for a bit about a month really and now we are in Texas !! We have been here for awhile and are going to be here until about May 17th-18thish IDK we are still talking about that !!

So in that time of running all over the country April 26th 2011 my little girl turned 1 !!! I can't believe how fast time has flown by !! We celebrated it in Texas and everyone was there (my family and jer's they came in town for it) She is walking and talking up a storm she can say a couple words her fave one being Mama (ha i was completely happy) She ended up saying Dada first though which i guess i dont mind seeing as how she is always talking about mama now lol :D She has two teeth on the bottom and some others are working their way in .. she is handling it better than i thought she would or than she did when the first two came in .. I guess she is used to it now .. She does get kinda cranky sometimes but that is normal :)

Right now everything is kinda calm lol .. after a whole bunch of uproar .. But the good news is that i helped Harley move some of her dorm stuff back down to Texas becauseeeeeeee she graduates in 8 days !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg i am sooo unbelievably excited for her !!! Its about time that some good happens to that girl !!! So bestie if you are reading this I AM HELLA PROUD OF YOU !!!

So ... There you have it ! My last couple of months since I have last updated ... I know I say this all the time but I am really going to try to get back into blogging ! I am just going to take it one day at a time.

Texas & North Carolina Sized Love,
Zoie's Mommy♥

Day 130 of 216♥

YAY !! Day 130 for some reason even days make me happier than the odd numbered days which is WEIRD lol but yeah nothing to report really lol .. just did some cleaning and some cooking and then hung out :) OO but on the 13th my dad is flying in and is going to stay with me for awhile so that weekend (14th-16th) I am going down to FL and having this huge friends weekend just hanging out and having fun :) I wish Harls could make it but I know that she has school :(

Other than those things that i have mentioned nothing else is really going on ... so i am going to end that there but hey atleast i updated today :) that is 3 days in a row :)

Texas & North Carolina sixed love,
Zoie's Mommy♥

Day 129 of 216♥

So not much happened today it was kind of a relaxed day :) Which i am thankful for lol got a call from the hubby I am so happy that he has a perma base home for the rest of his DP, ate bunches of leftovers from last night it was yummie and ate some pie and hungout with the bestie Harls :) she leaves on the 14th to go back to Oklahoma so i am going to miss her a lot lol but i am super excited for this year lol

Since i dont have much to say atm i am going to go ahead and end this because its just going to be pointless to carry on lol so I look forward to typing tomorrow :)

Texas & North Carolina sized love,
Zoie's Mommy♥

Day 128 of 216♥

YAY the first day of the New Year !!! Ok so last night (new years eve) was AMAZING had a couple friends over and watching the ball drop had a couple drinks and just had a BLAST it seriously sucked not having my hubby here but he did call me like 1min after Midnight and we kissed through the phone (lol i am a nerd) but yes last night was AMAZING :)

So now that it is January 1st 2011 its ALMOST 2 months until my hunnie comes home !! I cant believe i have seriously survived this effing deployment almost lol with only minor breakdowns, I may be a mom but i cant be strong all the time lol I have such HUGE and HIGH hopes for this year and HOPEFULLY i wont have to go through the holidays this year by myself again that would SUCK

I know i didnt post yesterday so i had to do one today .. I am also doing a project 365 on my FB so i am going to try and update this everyday for a year or atleast until the hubby gets home :)

Well i am going to get going now dinner is ALMOST ready so HAPPY NEW YEAR YALL !! Make it a safe and happy and memorable one :)

Texas and North Carolina sized love,
Zoie's Mommy♥